Men are naturally polygamous, while women are monogamous

This myth does not fit into reality, if only because ethnologists observe too much variety in the marriage and sexual behavior of people – from polygamy and polyandry with to universal promiscuity.

One of those who adhered to the position of male polygamy and female monogamy was Charles Darwin. “Subjective factors of perception influence ratings so strongly that since the 19th century the myth has only grown stronger, despite several serious objections. First, why do women need these deceivers and how do they manage to stay close to someone who lies and cheats? Secondly, how to explain the existence of monogamous homosexual male couples? Thirdly and most importantly, with whom do men cheat if a woman needs only one partner, and the rest are not at all interesting to her? — writes sex blogger and sex educator Tatyana Nikonova.

The opinions of modern researchers are between the position of polygamy of all representatives of the human species and polygamy or monogamy of a particular person – without regard to his gender. You can read more about this in Christopher Ryan and Casilda Jeta’s Sex at the Dawn of Civilization. Evolutionarily, the human species is between chimpanzees and bonobo monkeys – and the authors of the book give their arguments in favor of a greater relationship with the latter. Bonobos, on the other hand, practice sex as a way of communication – everyone with everyone, to solve absolutely all issues.

Modern monogamous marriage appeared relatively recently by the standards of evolution – during the transition from gathering to agriculture – writes about this, for example, Friedrich Engels.

The existence of the myth that men are polygamous, so they “need” to cheat on a partner, puts a woman in a humiliating position when she is forced to accept unequal rules of the game – however, there is simply no real reason for such behavior.

How to live with this?
Recently, the opinion has become more and more stable that relations do not work according to the algorithms set by evolution, but in the way that the partners agreed – Lev Shcheglov, among other things, writes about this. This statement is supported by the existence of polyamorous unions (partnerships in which participants can have several parallel relationships), open marriages and other non-nuclear forms of relationships.

Emotional coaching as a way to find the formats of relationships that are comfortable for you is also useful here. First of all, try to listen to yourself: what would suit you? How would you feel comfortable creating a relationship?

Talk to your partner. At the same time, avoid pressure on your partner and do not accept pressure from the other side. Unfortunately, I often hear questions like this: “How can I convince my wife that it’s okay to have a mistress” or “How to persuade my wife to have a threesome.” Do not look for compromises – in the event of a compromise, both remain dissatisfied – look for something third that will really suit both of you.